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A fiend with magical bunny-like powers
Fic: Two Guys, a Girl and a Vampire (Spike/Xander, Andrew, Teen, Part Two/Two *COMPLETE*)
Today I have the completion of Two Guys, a Girl and a Vampire! This story is an introduction to a verse I'm calling NYC Spander (still in search of a better name!), which I'm premiering at spring_with_xan. The story stands on it's own but I have plans to explore this verse further in the future! :D

Title: Two Guys, a Girl and a Vampire
Authors: cordelianne
Chapter: 2/2 *COMPLETE*
Pairing: Spike/Xander, Andrew, Female OC
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Vagabond shoes, running meters and demonic cliches.
Summary: In a post-Chosen/NFA, non-comics world, Xander and Andrew are living in New York City but can’t escape the world of vampires and slayers (not that they’re actually trying to!).
A/N: Thanks to savoytruffle for her fantastic beta! All mistakes are mine, and feel free to alert me to typos and such!

The previous part is here.

“Plot? Plot?” Xander riffles through the drawer under the cash. “If you call that a plot, I call this –” he produces a couple of inches of string “– a rope.”

There’s a predictable loud gasp of horror behind a stack of comics.

“How could you even think that, let alone say it?” Andrew drops the comics onto the counter so he can use his arms for full effect. “This is the continuation of a sacred franchise by the god of science fiction and adventure stories! Sacred.”

“Maybe he should treat his ‘sacred’ things with a little more care then and not toss beloved characters into soulless stories. Movies made solely to show off his CGI capabilities. Look at what he did to –”

“Don’t even go there!” Andrew’s voice is nearing the shriek level, his arms are already there. “We agreed the prequels are off limits.”

Xander remembers the tears, the sobbing, the wailing… all Andrew. He’s not up for tears today and Andrew’s eyes are looking pretty wet. “You’re right.”

There’s a loud you-just-kicked-my-puppy sigh.

Xander suspects it’s less actual distress and more trying to take advantage of the situation. Andrew’s surprisingly good at working the guilt especially when there’re new Justice League episodes airing.

In fact, he’s starting to wonder if Andrew started this debate on purpose.

But that doesn’t stop him from saying, “Why don’t you head home early? I’ll close up.”

He’s all about the win-win situation. He gets some quiet time and Andrew stops moping. And thanks to the Tivo gods, Xander can watch the episode later.

Come to think of it that’s win-win-win.

Even better.

And watching Andrew literally skip out the door? That’s just the cherry on top.


Tuesdays in the shop are pretty dead. Everyone saves their money for Wednesdays which is fine with Xander ’cause it gives him some reading time.

Not that he’s reading right now. Just flipping through an Astonishing X-Men and feeling less than astonishing or amazing or anything good that starts with ‘a’.

He’s got the less-than-good A’s covered: average, adequate and he can’t think of anymore.

The closest to amazing he’s been recently was watching a slayer-vamp fight. And that was two weeks ago.

Since then there’s been zero radio contact.

Not that Xander cares, he reminds himself, as he locks up the empty shop and heads home. It’s not like he’s missed being insulted by Spike or dealing with slayers and all the violence and death that entails.

Nope, no missing here.

Perfectly content.

No complaints whatsoever.

That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

Except suddenly Spike is sticking to him.

At least Xander hopes it’s Spike who’s snuck up behind him and is currently pressed against Xander’s back and whispering sexy things in his ear.

Okay, so he’s actually saying things like “Bit dangerous to be out this late,” and “Sure you’re safe out here on your own, Harris?” which Xander’s sex-starved brain interprets as sexy.

Not that he gives that away as he turns around and pushes Spike off him. “Just after sunset is not late in the city that never sleeps. I’m just getting these vagabond shoes home. Plus, I’m a big city boy now, I know how to handle vamps and muggers.”

“Run away, shrieking like a girl?”

“Pretty much.” Xander shrugs the shrug of a nonchalant guy confident in his skills, or lack thereof. “Everything I know about vampyres I learned from Andrew.”

Spike’s zippo flares. “Oh right, should get the boy too.”

Xander scratches under his eye patch. “Why do you need Andrew?” Spike had so better not be planning to whisper sexy things in his ear.

“You’ll see.”

He starts off in the direction of Xander and Andrew’s apartment, leaving Xander to follow.

Trust Spike to still be good at the stalking.

It’s kind of a reassuring thought.


What’s not reassuring is Spike moving through their tiny apartment like the Tasmanian Devil.

Comics are scoffed at and tossed aside.

Bed sheets are randomly ransacked.

Books are thrown off the new bookcase (Xander’s Memorial Day weekend project).

Andrew runs after Spike, gasping and trying to repair the damage.

Xander just gapes. He has no words.

It’s possibly a sign of the apocalypse.

His apocalypse suspicious is confirmed when two books are spared the assault and slipped under Spike’s arm.

Spike peers out the window to the street below. “Alright kids, time to hit the road.”

He exits without so much as a backward glance for the destruction left in his wake.

Xander looks from the now tornado-level messiness of their place, to the yellow cab waiting outside and finally to an overwhelmed – and also shockingly speechless – Andrew.

He shrugs. “Might as well see what’s up.”

“Yes, yes, we should assist and aid and…” But that’s all Andrew manages before he shrugs.

Xander takes it as a shrug of agreement and leads the way out the door.


Why is the meter running?”

It’s not the first question Xander had planned to ask when he and Andrew slid into the backseat of Yvonne’s cab. He’d planned something suaver like “What’s the sitch?” or “Tell me what’s a happenin’” – although the latter’s not so much suave as a sign that he’s seen Jesus Christ Superstar one too many times.

But his apocalypse worries have taken a backseat (no pun intended) to more immediate concerns, like who the hell they’re expecting to pay for this cab.

When you only have five dollars in your pocket, these are the details that really matter.

They all jolt forward as the brakes are slammed on. There’s a “hey!” from Spike whose cigarette slips from his mouth and loud honking from behind them. Yvonne swivels around to glare at Xander.

“My cab, my rules.”

Xander fishes out his wallet and opens it so she can see the gaping emptiness. “You okay with five bucks?”

She does a credible imitation of Buffy’s what-is-this-strange-geek-language-you-are-speaking look. “I don’t want your money.”

“I don’t have any money either!” Andrew pipes in over the car horns blaring at them.

“Oh my god, what is with you guys?” Yvonne rolls her eyes and pops a stick of gum in her mouth. “So I like to have the meter running when I’m driving, paying fare or no? What’s the big? Sheesh!”

She shifts into ‘drive’ and they jolt off down the street again. The car cacophony fades to background behind them.

“Oh right, we’re the weird ones,” Xander says. “That makes complete sense… in a world that isn’t ours.”

“Don’t get the slayer riled up just yet, Harris.” Spike projects zen calm, which is impressive for a guy already on his second cigarette. “Save that for when we get to the killing.”

“Speaking of killing…” Xander leans closer to the metal barrier. “What’s the sitch? Who’s our evil foe?”

Andrew whips out a pen and notebook from the backpack Xander hadn’t even known he was carrying and is poised to write in record time.

“Ever heard of the Pomicyrus cult?”

“Oh right, of course, I did my dissertation on them.” Xander rolls his eye.

Yvonne snorts. “Forget that fancy cult shit, just call ’em the big ass freaky horned demons like I do.”

“Oh!” Andrew bounces forward and hits the back of Spike’s seat. “The Pomicyrus cult? They’re here?”

“How do you know about them?” Xander blinks at Andrew. “Have you been reading council stuff is your spare time?”

Andrew straightens his shoulders, a proud smile on his face. “The Pomicyrus are an exceedingly rare but dangerous cult. The last sighting was 90 years ago. Now that story is fascinating because the slayer –”

“Save it, book boy,” Yvonne interjects. “We need to know is how to stop them. Looks like they’re trying to end the world.”

“An apocalyptic demon cult, how original,” Xander notes with another eye roll.

Spike flicks his cigarette out the window and reaches for a new one. “It’s that time of year. Long as we cut out the fancy jewellery and self-immolation this time, think we can handle it.”

“Self immolation?” Yvonne asks, more than a hint of concern in her voice, as she turns left on a red light.

“The jewellery was the real crime, but don’t ask,” Xander says before Andrew can start recounting Spike’s epic return from the pit of the Balrog, again.

Spike turns and fixes his gaze on Andrew. “Know how to kill them?”

Andrew glances at Xander, who nods in what he hopes is a reassuring way.

Andrew swallows before giving a nod of his own. “I’ll need the books.”

Xander puts a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll need the books,” he says.


As apocalyptic battles go, it’s pretty standard.

There’s some yelling, some blood.

Lots of blood, actually.

But not rivers of blood, so Xander counts that as a win especially since it’s mostly evil demon blood that’s doing the spilling.

There’s frantic book flipping and more yelling – the kind with valuable information in it.

And not just from Andrew, either. Xander finds he’s pretty fast with the flipping and finding. All those years of research finally pay off; Giles would be so proud.

There’s tears, sobbing and wailing – and not all from a terrified Andrew. The terrified demons do their share too, thanks to a slayer-vamp fighting dream team.

All in all, it’s a rout.

The kind of victory that can only be celebrated with beer.

Lots and lots of beer.

Violence makes Yvonne generous, which is good because Xander figures that he, Andrew and Spike have ten bucks tops between them – and that’s a generous estimate.

Violence also makes Yvonne fun. She kicks the DJ out of his booth, puts on Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and dances around, swinging her bob of wavy hair.

It makes her look young.

Which would make Xander nostalgic and sentimental if it weren’t for Spike slamming a shot down in front of him and demanding he drink it.

He does. It makes a warm trail down his throat and leaves him feeling all fuzzy.

He’s about to go with the drunken cliché and accuse Spike of the getting-someone-drunk-to-sleep-with-him cliché when Spike bypasses all the clichés and just kisses him.

It’s wet and sloppy and tastes like beer.

It’s also perfect.

Especially when it gets dirty in that want-to-get-groiny-right-now way.

“Guys!” Yvonne yells during a lull in the music. “Get a room.”

Xander laughs. Spike ignores her and starts biting his way down Xander’s neck.

“I’m serious, get a freakin’ room.” Yvonne grabs Andrew’s hips and starts moving them to the song’s rhythm. “I need to teach this one how to rock out.” Andrew trips over his own foot and his arms flail. “It’ll take a while. Go!”

“Think we should do what she says?” Spike cocks an eyebrow, like he’s not sure and his hands aren’t graphically demonstrating just how sure he is.

“Guess we have no choice.” Xander shrugs. “Don’t wanna piss off the slayer.”


Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: satisfied satisfied

35 comments or Leave a comment
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darkhavens From: darkhavens Date: May 29th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was fun! :D

The idea of Andrew and Xander working together in a comic book store amuses me greatly. So many timelines and dodgy plots to argue about and dissect, with the reference material right there at hand! I bet there are regular slapfights over who gets to open the deliveries. *g*
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
At long last, I am finally replying to your awesome comment. The idea of Andrew and Xander working together at a comic book store also amuses me! I think you're definitely right about the slapfights! Thanks so much! :D
tabaqui From: tabaqui Date: May 29th, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, fun. I love Spike movin' in and takin' charge.

Joan Jett! The best!
*dances you*
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry to have taken so long to reply! I'm so glad you found it fun, this is definitely a fun fic to write! I do have plans to write more in this verse, once I get that writing mojo going again! Thanks so much! :D
brunettepet From: brunettepet Date: May 29th, 2008 05:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was fast and furious fun. Andrew and Xander make a wonderful comedy team. Steam roller Spike grabbing books and boys en route to the apocalypse gave me a grin, and I loved Yvonne.

This made me laugh out loud: Yvonne grabs Andrew’s hips and starts moving them to the song’s rhythm. “I need to teach this one how to rock out.” Andrew trips over his own foot and his arms flail. “It’ll take a while. Go!”

Thanks for the delightful read.
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh my goodness, I am terribly behind on comment replying but this doesn't mean that I don't love fic comments - and as always I love yours! Yay for fast and furious fun! That's definitely how I felt writing this fic! I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! Thanks so much. :D
missus_grace From: missus_grace Date: May 29th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yep - what everyone above has said. Thanks for a great read!
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry to have taken so long to reply. Although it does mean I'm enjoying your comment again. Thanks so much! :D
From: mysticsoblivion Date: May 29th, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
*shakes head* Boy, boys, boys... somethings never change, lol- fortunately the amount of Spike/Xander groininess does though, so all is right with the world, lol. *G*
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh dear, it's taken me ridiculously long to reply! I am, however, enjoying rereading comments. I'm so pleased you enjoyed, this was a fun fic to write! Thanks so much! :D
cmk418 From: cmk418 Date: May 30th, 2008 04:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Hilarious. My favorite line:

He’d planned something suaver like “What’s the sitch?” or “Tell me what’s a happenin’” – although the latter’s not so much suave as a sign that he’s seen Jesus Christ Superstar one too many times.

Loved the whole Xander-Spike by-play, enjoyed Andrew professing his heterosexuality (in the first part), and your OC was just delightful. Thank you for a wonderful read.
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh man, I'm sorry about how long it's taken me to reply. It does mean that I'm enjoying your comment all over again. Yay for quoting that line! Thanks for your comment! :D
(Deleted comment)
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oops, I'm very behind in comments. I did just "yay" upon reading your comment (which was my reaction when I first got it), so that was nice to re-experience. Thanks so much! :D
From: blackeyedwicca Date: June 4th, 2008 03:39 am (UTC) (Link)

I loved it ^^
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry for the late comment reply! I'm glad that you enjoyed the fic! Thanks so much. :D
devo79 From: devo79 Date: June 4th, 2008 07:25 am (UTC) (Link)
yay. please write more in this verse soon
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry for such a late comment reply. I'm glad you enjoyed and want more. I do plan to write more in this verse once I get my writing mojo working again. Thanks! :D
mia_in_chains From: mia_in_chains Date: June 4th, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I absolutely loved this story...it was freakin' hilarious...thank you for the funny reading!

I hope you keep writing that verse, it's very good...
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry for the very late comment reply. I'm so thrilled you enjoyed the fic and found it funny! It was a blast to write. I do plan to write more in this verse, I just need to get that writing inspiration going again. Thanks so much! :D
From: turnonmyheels Date: June 6th, 2008 02:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Great fic!
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw, thanks! Sorry for the late reply, life got in the way! :D
twilightofmagic From: twilightofmagic Date: June 10th, 2008 11:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
All righty. You can always trust Spike to get straight to the point. Looking forward to more in this series.
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry for the very late reply. hee, you really can, Spike's reliable *and* fun like that. I do plan to write more in the verse, I just need to get that writing inspiration going again. Thanks so much! :D
mireille719 From: mireille719 Date: June 27th, 2008 10:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is just as wonderful as the first half, and I will be delighted to see what is waiting for the boys and Yvonne in this 'verse. (And if Yvonne ever managed to teach Andrew how to "rock out," which I have grave doubts about. *g*)
cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm terribly behind in my comments, and am sorry for such a late reply. I am thrilled that you enjoyed the fic so much! I had a blast writing it! hee, yeah, I doubt Yvonne will ever be able to teach Andrew to rock out! Thanks so much! :D
vinniebatman From: vinniebatman Date: July 6th, 2008 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
So I haven't been to bloodclaim in a while, so I've gone back 180 entries and found this wonderful little surprise. Very nice! I enjoyed it and Andrew was quite adorkable.

cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry for such a late reply, I managed to fall really behind on comment replies. I'm very happy that you enjoyed this. It was a blast to write, especially Andrew! Thanks so much! :D
shay2 From: shay2 Date: July 14th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC) (Link)
*stomps foot in fustration*

We don't get to witness the sex? No fair.

Nice piece.

cordelianne From: cordelianne Date: December 12th, 2008 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oops, sorry for such a late reply! heee! I'm happy that you enjoyed! I do have plans to write more in this verse once I actually get the writing inspiration up and running again! Thanks so much. :D
35 comments or Leave a comment
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